Archive for March, 2013



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Lately, for some reason, I’ve been really into musicals. I’ve always liked them, the only caveat being when my sisters and I were growing up and they insisted on watching Grease and The Sound of Music in constant, alternating succession. On repeat. I could barely stand it at the time.

Now, the movies are so ingrained in me I have a hard time sitting through one or the other for the entirety of the movie but the songs I can still listen to. 

Lately, I’ve been into The Book of Mormon, the musical written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Robert Lopez. It’s hilarious, offensive, and a combination of the best parts of South Park and the best music from the history of musicals. The music is anyway. I have yet to see a live performance of it, unlike my sister who was able to go (and I am SO jealous of her)! 

Between The Book of Mormon, Les Miserables, Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, Avenue Q, Little Shop of Horrors, and several more, my ears and imagination have been inspired! 


Hello. My name is Elder Scholtz. 

And I would like to share with you the most amazing book.

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I’ve noticed a trend in my apartment complex. It’s been going on for a while now with my next door neighbor but tonight, when I returned home from work, another neighbor did the same thing and it’s this: leaving a bag full of garbage outside their door.

When did this become an acceptable behavior? When did it become okay to leave a disgusting bag of filth out in the stairwell so it can stick up the place? Oh…you want to share your nasty, pungent waste with the rest of us…thank you! I’m sure you’ve gotten your fill from it in your own apartment, as the expired yogurt and unused potato skins created such a funk that every room composing your apartment smelled like the dumpster behind Applebees. So you wanted to share that stank with the people around you.

Now, the complexes dumpsters are a good thirty yards away from the stairwell and there are a flight or two of stairs that need to be traversed in order to make the long and arduous trek to toss garbage. I understand the impulse to NOT attempt the journey across the parking lot but leaving a sack of rotting food where everyone else has no chance of avoiding the stench is just a dick move. We don’t want to smell YOU, let alone the rotting waste of a food product that has no place in any kind of nutritional diet.

Next time, please do us all a favor and wallow in the particular brand of stench your lifestyle created and spare the rest of us. We have our own garbage to enjoy, thank you very much. I’m working on a special concoction of rotten milk, old spinach, and the stuff that won’t come off the sides of a Marie Calendar’s Spaghetti dinner. Good stuff indeed.


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This is still a fairly rough draft so some kindly worded constructive criticism would be appreciated. The music will add another dimension to the emotion of the song and I’ll hopefully post that sometime soon. In the meantime, enjoy!

The Tinkerer (lyrics)

I found you, love, through divine inspiration

Now after years, your health has complications

Our faith has failed and so we turn to science

You’re not alone. I haven’t gave up and you’re not forgotten

I’ll search both far and wide. Just know I’ll always try

To find a way to keep you by my side

I’ve tinkered on so many inventions

And crying out all of my frustrations

I’ve tried to invent cures on my own

I’ve tried the most obscure things I know

I’ve tried to not give up on you

Cause every time I see your face

Anemic in its weakened state

It’s harder and harder to keep from leaving you

And I’ve tried and tried to find the equation

Tossed and turned in deep contemplation

All to find a way of saving you

I’m not giving up. My resolve’s still unbroken.

The answer lies somewhere in science…

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A seventy-ish year old woman telling her equally aged woman friend that she is nervous about unfriending someone on Facebook because the absent woman would notice she had been unfriended – I thought this kind of thing would be obsolete at that age. Apparently, they are in the teenage phase of using Facebook. They’ve graduated from poking and liking and will soon join groups, agree to attend events, create their own events, suggest friends for their grandchildren, learn emoticons, link their profile to Twitter and Youtube, create content that other people will appreciate, try Linkedin and realize they’re too old for that shit, then update their status less and less, until finally, they forget their login information and are locked out of Facebook forever.

Maybe it’s better if they didn’t start Facebook in the first place…

…but what experiences they had!


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ImageThe other day, as I was strumming my acoustic guitar, I stumbled on a likable group of chords. Within an hour or so, I had the basic structure for a song. This isn’t anything new for me. I’ve written chord structures before in that amount of time. The melody is usually the difficult thing but this time, it came right out. Why can’t it always be like that?!

With the melody and chords ready, all I had to do was plug in the lyrics. This is how I’ve always gone about writing songs. I write the words last since music has always inspired emotion in me. I’ve come to learn that this is exception, not the rule with songwriters. I need the emotion and groove of the music to move within. Like writing a sonnet or villanelle, the structure gives me a boundary to work with. 

The song itself sounded epic, like it needed something emotionally complex in the vein of “Losing My Religion” by REM or “Violet Hill” by Coldplay. A story needed to be told with the song. So…I decided to take the basic structure for my short story “The Tinkerer” and plug it into the song, and it worked great! I still have a few things to work out but it makes the song feel so much more epic then the music did alone. It doesn’t have a chorus per se but it feels that a standard chorus would be too much repetition. I’ll post the lyrics as soon as I finish them and then the song at some point. I’m excited for people to hear it!

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I agree with the Fall Out guy…

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